Getting ready

Today Michael and I went to the facility where I will have chemo. I though it would be a good idea to see what I was in for. The first thing that washed over me was the smell. The place is old and soon (2 years)to be replaced with a shiny new cancer center. There is the smell of old and sick and drugs and disinfectant and more old. Six or eight people were sitting around in recliners with IV's in their arms.Most of them were sleeping, the others just sat quietly. Family members looked up at us with vacant eyes. An older man sat slumped in his chair. He was skinny and even though his hair was cut short, you could tell that it had come out in clumps. He looked like a a holocaust survivor. The air inside was still, stuffy. I think I was having trouble breathing in. I wondered if I would be able to bring a fan. Then I saw a splash of color in the corner. A woman with silver hair, like me, and a smile to share. There was light coming from her side of the room. I went to meet her. She comes every 6 weeks for treatment for arthritis. Maybe I'll see her again.

I walked out and burst into tears. How can I sit in there for hours and hours, even minutes and minutes? I called my sister Danita. She is coming up so that she can sit with me during my first treatment. This you must know about my sister. She gets claustrophobic in any enclosed building, possibly even the Super Dome. I called to tell her about the facility and that she should change her plans to sit with me. She said, "I am going to sit with you where ever you are. What are we going to wear?" I think she was even smiling. I know I was.

So, on January third I will become the splash in the corner. My sister will be with me. We are already planning what we will wear. I'm thinking maybe my red flannel pj's